Wed. Jan 20th, 2021


A Newry man has been admitted to Daisy Hill Hospital after being blinded by his wife’s big white arse we can reveal.

Peter Smyth from the city was dazzled when his wife took off her knickers to get into bed last night.

Peter told Newry Spud:

“I was totally unprepared for it. She was getting undressed in the dark because I’d already turned the light out. Then I remembered that I hadn’t plugged my phone into charge. I turned the light on, only to be met with a light that was 20 times brighter than the midday sun.

She’d been on the Sunbed all day and obviously covered up her arse because she didn’t want it burnt. I’m starting to get some vision back in my eyes now although the image of my wife’s fat arse has been burned into my retinas.”

Wife Lisa added:

“I thought I might be able to get away with it but the bollox turned the light on at just the wrong moment. It’s his own stupid fault.”

Lisa has since applied fake tan to her arse to avoid any more blindings.

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