Newry Leisure Center staff act on ‘creepy sauna guy’


Staff at Newry Leisure Center have finally agreed to do something about the creepy guy in the sauna.

“Technically he’s never done anything wrong,” admitted Manager P.N. Poole, “But we know he freaks people out, so I suppose I’ll just have to have a little word with him.”

The unnamed man is in his late fifties. He can be found every evening from before 5pm until around 7pm sitting in the sauna. He also likes to monopolize the single shower stall inside the sauna area, hanging up his enormous collection of toiletries around it, and giving funny looks to everyone walking past.

Mr Poole refused to comment on what approach he would take to deal with Creepy Sauna Guy, but assured us that the matter would be resolved quickly. “I run a¬†Leisure Center in Newry,” he told us. “I know how to deal with freaks.”