Newry Ice Cream Wars Causes Carnage In Newry

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The PSNI were called to Sugar Island today after tensions between two local ice-cream companies spilled over onto the streets.

The long standing favourite ice-cream parlour Timoney’s creators of the fudgerydoo wafer now has stiff competition from the creators of the famous Nuggy Pot, Nugelato ice-cream boutique.




Eyewitnesses described the scene as one of carnage and destruction as staff and customers alike of both shops clashed over which had the best ice-cream.

Julie Biggut told us:

“There I was eating my Timoney’s ice-cream on my way down to get a Nuggy Pot when I came across an awful melee between ice-cream lovers. There was blood scattered all over the place as the two factions began fisty-cuffs. It was utter carnage the police did a good job in settling matters.”

Newry Spud spoke to Newry PSNI who said:

“What we had here in Newry today was gangland violence on a new scale of severity. Tensions are obviously quite high since Nugelato moved in on Timoney’s patch. We knew there would be some backlash but noting on the scale of what happened here today on our streets. We would appeal for calm at this time while community workers and political leaders speak with both sides.”