Sun. Dec 6th, 2020


The University Of Life has announced that Newry has the most graduates from its imaginary university we can reveal.

Along with ‘Full-Time Mummy’ the ‘University of Life’ is a powerhouse in Newry with 7/10 of the residents claiming to have gone to it.

We spoke with one Newry man who graduated from the ‘University of Life’ in 1998 and he told us:

“Forget about all these fancy universities like Queen’s and Ulster University, the University of Life is where it’s all at to learn life skills. I might not have a degree or masters of anything but I have streetwise knowledge earned on the mean streets of Newry which makes me a graduate student of the ‘University of Life’.”

A spokesman for the Education Board has confirmed that anyone who went to the ‘University of Life’ is probably someone with the IQ of a garden pea.

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