Local Wobbly Heads Fearing Sunny Weekend


The Newry Goth Community have expressed their concerns today at the possibility of a warm and sunny weekend, it’s been revealed. Temperatures in some parts are set to hit 15 degrees on Saturday, leaving many leather-clad gothics fearing the possibility of exposure.

Dedicated writer of demonic literature and part-time petrol station attendant David said:

“I work here because they offer me night shifts, meaning I can swerve the inanity of daytime living, and, of course, the sun. The problem is I have the weekend off, and I was planning on moping around the garden in my trench coat. I’ll have to stay in now”.

With the weather in Newry being generally shit all year round, the Newry Goth population has remained healthy for many years, but it’s thought that just one weekend of hot weather could have a dramatic effect on their numbers.