Newry Fatties Welcoming Colder Weather So They Can Wear Hoodies Again

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The recent lull in the warm weather in Newry has been welcomed by local fatties it has emerged today.

We spoke with one such tubster Elaine Fatspatrick who explained to Newry Spud:

“I fucking hate the hot weather, it means I have to wear t-shirts in public exposing my rolls and bumps, I can usually get away with wearing my Down GAA hoodie at around 23-25 degrees before people start questioning why to fuck I’m wearing winter wear in baking sunshine.”

The NFPA (Newry Fat People Alliance) have said they are supporting their members during the hotter days of the year but have conceding there is very little they can do when the weather systems are totally out of their control. They told Newry Spud from their special booth in Friar Tuck’s:

“The only advice we can give is to stay indoors, put the fan on and just see it through. When the cold weather comes all the smug skinny cunts will have to wrap up like us.”

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