Newry Doctors Give Miner’s Helmets To Women Who Get Up For a Piss 20 Times a Night

minershat

Doctors in mid Newry are prescribing miner’s helmets to women who get up for a piss 20 times a night.

It cuts down on waking everybody else up in the house and also saves women from tripping over kids’ toys and sleeping dogs.

Dr Flood of Cornmarket Surgery told Newry Spud:

“I get loads of girls in here complaining that they have to get up for a piss 20 times a night. There’s nothing I can do for them apart from give them a hat with a light on the front so that they don’t go tripping over toys and pets. So far, I’ve prescribed over 100 miner’s helmets and so far, they seem to be doing the trick.”

Mum-of-six Laura Burns said:

“I’m up and down in the night like a bastard yo-yo. Last night I tripped over a Lego set and the night before that, I tripped over the dog who was sleeping at the top of the stairs. I nearly went arse-over-tit. But now I keep a miner’s helmet next to my best. Every time I gets up for a slash, I stick my helmet on, and the lovely light shows me the way to the bog. My husband loves it because it means that I don’t have to turn the big light on and wake him up. He says that I sound like a giraffe when I sit’n’squat and sometimes, I let out a little fart too.”