Sat. Jan 16th, 2021






Radical local Judge Patricia Smyth has taken a new and inventive approach to deal with the worst of criminals that come before her in Newry Crown Court.

Judge Smyth has replaced automatic jail sentences with imposing surgically attached giant clown’s shoes to the local criminals.

After she lays down a sentence to those unfortunate enough to be in her court, instead of being taken to Maghaberry Prison thugs are taken directly to Daisy Hill Hospital where they undergo surgery to get giant clown’s shoes sewn on to their feet.

Initially the move was met with ridicule and disbelieve but it is amazingly working as one recent criminal told us:

“I’d rather go to jail to be honest. I have to walk around town in these ridiculously big fucking clown’s shoes, its fucking embarrassing and humiliating. I mean, how can any judge be so cruel? It’s like Victorian times all over again.”

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