Newry Canal Monster Captured on Camera


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An ancient water-dwelling reptile has surfaced in Newry Canal this afternoon, Newry Spud can reveal.

Measuring roughly sixteen-feet in length, the bizarre creature was seen breaching the water’s surface in a dramatic photograph sent to us today.

Hundreds across the country have already flocked to the site in hopes of catching their own unique shot of the Newry beast.

Local expert Columba O’Hare said:

“It’s likely been feeding off small fish, species of birds and leftover Friar Tuck’s locals have thrown in on their way home from Bellinis”.

He went on to explain that the giant creature could potentially be ‘very aggressive’, and could easily mistake some humans as prey if small enough.

According to Columba, an average-sized Newry woman is the perfect meal for the slippery predator.

“Those not from the area must be advised that they usually come out at night, are very filthy and swallow their food without chewing”, he added when questioned more about an average-sized woman from Newry.