Wed. Jan 27th, 2021

B&Q in Newry’s Damolly Retail Park has launched their newest DIY equipment ‘Petrol Powered Vibrators’ they have announced.

The super powered sex toy will be released today and police have been called in to provide extra security as it is expected a large crowd of frustrated housewives are to queue for hours to buy one.

B&Q spokesman Jim’ll Fix-It told Newry Spud:

“We knew Newry would be an ideal spot to launch the 2 stroke 50cc super vibrator as the women in the area are said to be ‘awful hallions’. Our engineers have been specialising this petrol vibrator for years and we are excited to launch it next week.”

It is also expected that a special red diesel version will be available within the next month for the south Armagh Beaures.

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