10 month old Newry infant Peter McGowan has revealed this morning that although he is pro-breastfeeding in general he would prefer his mother was more discreet about it. McGowan’s comments come after a family visit to Newry Swimming Pool, where his mother Donna imprudently exposed her diddies in the course of feeding him. “This isn’t a fucking strip joint,” the baby implored, “I mean Jesus Christ, this is a family area mommy.”
When questioned by reporters, the aggravated new born was eager to clarify his statements. “Breasts are very sexual,” he said, suckling on his mother’s breast to acquire the nutrients he needs to survive, “breasts are sexual objects and women can’t be just whipping them out willy nilly, I mean there were kids at that pool.”
Baby Peter did concede, however, that some public breastfeeding was okay, so long as it was done in a ‘classy’ way. “I think it’s probably fine if the woman is wearing like a tiara or a beret. Just add some class to it you know? Something to distract from the otherwise pretty horrific act that’s taking place.”
While some commentators have characterised views like Peter’s as harmful to women, the small child denied that his opinions were sexist.
“I love women, some of my best friends are women and I just don’t want breasts all up in my face like that. I mean I personally do, all the time, but others shouldn’t have to be vaguely around when it happens.”