Fri. Jan 22nd, 2021

A Newry athlete who spent two years training in open water for the San Francisco City Triathlon and who was scared shitless of the sharks that use the Alcatraz River has spoke about his disappointment when the swimming section of the race was cancelled he has said.

Johnny ‘Panzer’ Boyle who has the swimming ability of a 28lb Cinder Breeze Block said “all that training was for nothing” at a press conference in the Mourne Country Hotel last night.

One of Panzer’s biggest fans is the well-known ex taxi driver and local MILF Ann Keenan who spoke of her relief that the swimming part of the triathlon was cancelled.

Ann told Newry Spud during our date in the Canal Court Hotel:

“I’m delighted the swimming was cancelled. I once saw Panzer getting rescued from the old Newry swimming pool, not the big pool, the baby pool. God was looking down on him by cancelling the swim baah.”

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