Newry Apply To Social Distance Permanently From Warrenpoint

Newry has made an official application to ‘continue social distancing from Warrenpoint’ we can reveal.

In an extraordinary move it would appear that Newry has enjoyed this time away from its poor relation up the road and would like to go on from not having anything to do with it.

A Newry spokesman told us:

“We’ve loved this time away from them wankers up in the Point. I can’t see any reason why we can’t continue to social distance ourselves from them weirdos.

I don’t want the people of Newry to get too worried however as before we leave them behind completely we will be taking Diamonds and The Marine with us to Newry.”