Sat. Feb 27th, 2021
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The Newry based Ann Summers shop has released a statement tonight calling for the immediate return of any of their ‘Doxy Wand Massager’ range purchased in the Newry shop this month after a series of malfunctions has caused several accidents in the greater Newry area.

The £90 Doxy Wand Massager that Ann Summers says ‘features a sleek, ergonomic body and soft cushioned head. It transports 10 vibration speeds and plugs into the wall mains’ was said to have exploded while being used by Newry residents causing majorly fucked up injuries.

One local woman Deborah McGeown who asked not to be named because of embarrassment had to be airlifted to the nearby Daisy Hill hospital after her ‘magic friend’ blew a fuse and sent several hundred volts of electric through her.

An Ann Summers spokeswoman Debbie Doubleender told Newry Spud:

“We are currently carrying out an investigation into how this malfunction happened and how it only seems to be affecting Newry customers. We suspect that the Newry ladies have bypassed the electricity power source and have perhaps put in a homemade petrol or diesel power source to get more out of the device.”

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