New Priest At Newry Cathedral Sees Numbers At Mass Soar

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The new priest appointed to Newry Cathedral a month ago has had an amazing effect on the numbers of people attending mass the Parish Office have said today.

Before joining the Parish a month ago Fr. Fernando Hernandez of Spain was a full-time male model for major fashion houses around Europe including Dolce & Gabbana.

He brings with him to Newry a style of Mass that was never seen in Ireland. Just before Holy Communion he comes to the front of the Altar and shows off his six pack muscular stomach. This he told us is an appreciation to the Lord for blessing him with a ‘heavenly body’.




At first the numbers at mass were dismal but now every time Fr. Hernandez celebrates Mass there is a queue of very religiously devout women of all ages trying to get in to the Cathedral. It is now so popular the Parish have put on 10 extra masses a week to satisfy the congregations need for Mass.

The Parish Office have asked that anyone attending Fr. Hernandez’s mass to be cautious, a strange side effect of his mass is that the isles of the Cathedral are soaking wet, the Vatican are investigating if it is the tears of Christ or just horny women causing the mysterious liquid.