Tue. Jan 19th, 2021

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Fast food Pizza outlet La Dolce Vita has launched a new range of pizzas that include a surgical syringe to help customer’s fast-track their premature death.

“We’re all about speed and convenience,” a spokesperson for the company said today. “There’s nothing worse than ordering a pizza and then waiting for what seems like days for it to arrive in your arteries”.

The spokesperson said stuffing saturated fats into your mouth already seemed out-dated.

“Why mess around with eating? This will get the fat into your system in a heartbeat. If you’ve still got one, of course”.

The offer is for a limited time only.

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