Scientists have discovered a new human-like species in the Mayobridge pub Gorman’s which could change ideas about our early relatives.

Evidence suggests that the newly-found group, named ‘Plentyus Lagerus’, branched off from the known evolutionary tree, forming its own close-knit society.

Speaking from outside the public house, Professor Liam Hynds of Queen’s University told Newry Spoud:

“They appear to be similar to regular humans, only much, much more aggressive. We’re certain that they can be classified in the grouping, or genus, in which modern humans belong, called Homo.”

It was at this point that Professor Hynds was forced to retreat to safety after a member of the rare species lunged at him aggressively, screaming “who the fuck you calling a homo baah?”