Sat. Jan 23rd, 2021

The extremely high risk of Bessbrook residents sleeping with a relative or ‘family friend’ is apparently high enough to justify the creation of a smartphone app to help prevent it.

Apple & Google Play Store has joined forces and released an app that has the information of every person registered on the Bessbrook electoral roll and how their families might know each other – or if they’re related.

The app comes as Bessbrook families were crying out for help because the gene pool has now become so mixed that people don’t know who to fuck is related to who.

We spoke to one Bessbrook woman who told us:

“Thank God there is now an app that can prevent these types of situations. My brother knocked up our first cousin in the 90s, but they found out too late to pull the plug on the birth. We all thought it was going to be born with a club foot or something

In the end, they had a healthy baby boy. He’s a bit slow and his favourite movie is Frozen. Bit odd for a 26-year-old man. But each to their own I suppose.”

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