Wed. Dec 2nd, 2020

Half of Newry girls who wear ‘belly tops’ are totally fucking blind it has been revealed today.

After experiencing two days of slight sun and temperatures above minus Celsius an epidemic of women’s flabby bellies has hit the city hard.

We spoke with one man who was receiving shock therapy after experiencing the hellish sight and he told Newry Spud:

“I was walking along Hill Street minding my own business when along came this girl about 23 year-old. I saw the waves of flab first before I saw her but it was quite traumatising to see such a ‘frightening’ and ‘horrific’ sight.”

The Council has said they are working hard to push through legislation that will only permit hot yokes to wear such leisure wear in public in the future.

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