90% of Newry men who have been riding a yoke over a year have decided that they will get engaged today we can reveal.
In what has been known as the ‘Christmas effect’ naive dickheads ask mad fucking women they are bucking to marry them in an apparent act of lunacy.
One Newry man who got engaged last year after taking his woman to Abracadabra in Dundalk then falling over himself in a ‘romantic’ ice-skating episode Declan Matthews told Newry Spud:
“I feel into the trap last year, the fucking eejit I was. Most dickheads get caught up in the romance of Christmas but you are signing up to spend your life with these fucking borderline psychos. DO NOT DO IT.”