A small clothing shop in Bessbrook has given the British Government their ‘tick book’ in order to pay for the NHS’s response to Covid-19 we can reveal.

Moorehead’s shop on Fountain Street in the small backwards village is said to have an estimated £2.9 billon on their book dating from the 1980’s to the present day.

A Moorehead’s spokeswoman told us:

“We have given the treasury in London our tick book and they will be able to collect on it as they see fit in order to pay for the Covid-19 response. Our book that has been used extensively throughout the village has become so big that we are able to forfeit almost £3 billion as we couldn’t be arsed chasing the fuckers around here for the money they owe.”