The Catholic Church has announced what they describe as ‘innovative’ and ‘a world first’ initiative for the sinners of Newry to make their confessions we can reveal.

From tonight at 6pm Catholics wishing to cleanse their souls of sin will be able to use the now empty McDonald’s drive through at Damolly Retail Park.

Local Priest Fr Peadar O’Phile told us:

“This is a great way to get the locals back on the side of the Lord and also we will be asking for donations obviously in order to carry out this much needed front line service.

We trust that the good Catholics of the Newry area will swap their Big Mac meal for a Big Confession and help us keep control of the minds of the sheep.”