Mayobridge Becomes A ‘Wankers Only’ Zone

Mayobridge has made the bold move of becoming the first ever ‘Wankers Only’ zone in Ireland we can report.

The unbearable little backward village which already has a reputation on par with Chernobyl will now only allow ‘Wankers’ to live and socialise within the geographical boundaries of the townland.

All people travelling to and from Mayobridge from Newry will need a special ‘Wanker’ day pass which will be inspected at a passport type control checkpoint.

Sinn Féin’s Oksana McMahon told Newry Spud:

“It is essential that we take this step. We don’t want normal people coming in and out of Mayobridge unchecked. We have for many years prided ourselves on our ‘Wanker’ status and this added security check and banning of non-wankers will make the town even more unwelcoming to outsiders. Which is what we want.”