Martin Lewis’s 5 Tips For People On Jobseekers Allowance To Survive Life In Newry

Here at Newry Spud we have teamed up with Martin Lewis and his ‘Money Saving’ expert team to give those claiming Jobseekers Allowance in the locality pro tips on how to get by on the £10.29 per day if you’re over 25 or the £8.19 a day for under 25 year-olds.


  • Get a driver. Running a car in this day and age is one of the biggest financial strains to one’s pocket and back balance. Pay some idiot to drive you about (preferably find  the village idiot with a car and no friends) then ask for lifts. 


  • Use the Leisure Centre pool as a quasi bath facility. This way you save on gas and electric at home while cleaning yourself in the already putrefied swimming pool water. Winner.


  • Fancy some light entertainment? Obviously on your budget the local Omniplex is out of the question. However, why not go to the local Mall and watch the antics of the idiots on the drink. Beats Lion King all day long.


  • Cut down on little luxuries such as a Grounded Espresso. While it may be tasty it will literally be two days worth of your budget fucked. Want a coffee? Go into Boyle’s bookmakers on Mill Street and you will get free machine coffee all day. Just pretend you’re a punter.


  • Lonely? Don’t worry about that. Go to McCreesh Park or Kiln Street and you will meet a lot of new friends. You don’t need to socialise and pay over the odds to meet new people. However we cannot guarantee you that Gavin Malone will not come and wreck the craic. Kill Joy!

Anyway. We hope this little money saving guide with help those struggling on the megre JSA on offer. Failing all that. Rob a bank.