Sun. Feb 28th, 2021
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A Newry man has made a solemn vow to himself that tonight’s La Dolce Vita takeaway will be the last one until he gets his life back on track we can reveal.

The man who has been furloughed by his work and who has seen his waistline balloon beyond all proportions spoke to us tonight in a most distraught manner:

“Look bai, I can’t control the future, I can only change the here and now. But I really feel I deserve this last fling with a Chicken Chip Kebab and a Classico Pepperoni Pizza, for old times’ sake I suppose you could say. Tomorrow I will really start from scratch and go for a walk, to the shop, for crisps.”

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