Sat. Feb 27th, 2021
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A recently single Newry man is slowly ‘finding all life’s answers’ as he sits in Madden’s pub getting Rado while looking at photos of his ex-woman.

The 28 year-old who decided to call in sick today as he can’t face reality after being dumped on Sunday night just ‘fancied a lock of pints’ to get him through the day.

He told us:

“I’m just a few casual pints; this is my 9th from this morning. I just broke up with my woman. People just grow apart, you know? Want different things from life. Like she wanted a man with a big penis and I couldn’t oblige. But I truly believe that I’ll get my life back on track after the next pint or two.”

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