In a move that the UN are calling ‘strange and unusually cruel’ the criminals in the North of Ireland are to be meted out swift justice because of the lack of space in jails given the Covid-19 pandemic we can report.
The most senior judge in the land The Right Honourable Sir Declan Morgan, Lord Chief Justice of Northern Ireland has come up with a most harrowing and some would say appalling punishment.
Sir Declan told Newry Spud:
“We simply have no space to put criminals in and in fact we are now releasing prisoners early so we don’t spread this coronavirus. To that end if you are convicted of anything less serious than murder you will be subjected to listening to ALL of Daniel O’Donnell’s albums in a for a 24 hour period without respite. This is something that will put the fear of utter God in any criminal and will ease pressure on the jails.”
We spoke with one criminal who is the first person to be convicted with this Rob Banks and he told us:
“I begged for a few years in jail or be kind and just fucking give me the lethal injection anything but 24 hours listening to Daniel O’Donnell.”