Fri. Jan 22nd, 2021


After holding Savages shop hostage 3 weeks ago, ‘Jihadi Paddy’ has been released from Magaberry prison on a legal technicality and has been seen putting pro-Islamic stickers up around Newry.

The stickers which claim that Newry is now under Shariah Law has been met with worry as people are now expected to see their civil liberties removed.

Jihadi Paddy who is the leader of an active ISIS cell in the Derrybeg Estate has been visiting local businesses in the area to tell them of the new changes that he is introducing.

He has visited all the pubs to advise them that alcohol is no longer accepted in the city and he has visiting the local courthouse to advise them that he will from now on be holding a Shariah law court from the upstairs bedroom of his terrace house in Derrybeg.

Jihadi Paddy spoke with Newry Spud today:

“Yes, it is quite true that I along with my comrades in the Derrybeg ISIS have placed Newry under Islamic Shariah Law, we will not tolerate any more Eastern decadence in Newry. We will be holding public executions outside Newry Town Hall every Friday at 4pm and all residents are invitied to attend. Allah Akbar.”

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