Fri. Nov 27th, 2020

ep4f (34)

A red-faced Jesus Christ was disqualified on Saturday during a Camlough Lake water skiing competition when found to be cheating. The son of God admitted using his miraculous walking on water ability during his many seemingly impressive rounds of the lake.

Newry Spud spoke to Jesus:

“It was just second nature really; I switched it on as an instinct and then just carried it on. I loved the crowd’s reaction and got a little bit ahead of myself. Next thing you know I’m trying all sorts of tricks and they’re coming off to more cheers. I got a little bit carried away.”

The race organisers were polite yet firm in their judgement stating:

“We stand as one in the attempt to rid our sport of drug cheats and miracle users. He is facing a lengthy ban for this. I just want to put on record that whilst we appreciate all the work Jesus Christ does for the poor and the disease ridden lepers, we cannot condone cheats.”

God was unavailable for comment stating that this was now a family matter whilst Jesus’ sell out magic tour was seeing a very high rate of returns.

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