Sat. Nov 28th, 2020


There was a row this morning at Newry swimming pool when staff asked Jesus Christ to leave the pool for running on the water we can reveal.

According to eyewitness reports the Messiah was seen running over people who were swimming in an exhibition akin to showing off.

One swimmer told us:

“I was enjoying my swim but this long-haired bollox kept running over the top of me when I was under the water. Don’t ask me how he learned how to literally walk on water but it was fucking annoying baah.”

Newry Leisure Centre confirmed to in a statement to Newry Spud:

“We asked a gentleman to leave who we later found out to be Christ. While he is the Saviour of the world he was breaking rules by running on top of the water surface, rules are rules.”

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