Tue. Jan 26th, 2021


Monday has issued a statement this morning explaining that the feelings of loathing and dread you have for him are entirely mutual. The widely disliked day of the week decided to voice his frustrations after decades of negative comments and targeted abuse.

“You all start bitching about me on a Sunday night before I’ve even arrived”, explained the first day of the working week. “It’s only by chance that I’m not a weekend day. Me and Tuesday could’ve easily been the popular days, but that’s not how it worked out. That’s not my fault”.

He went on to explain how difficult it is to be considered as something you have to ‘get out the way’, and that the only people who don’t mind him are old age pensioners and lazy bastards on the dole.

“You’re always going on about Friday. “Oooh we love you Friday, we can’t wait to see you Friday”. The rest of us can hear that shit you know. By the time Sunday comes along you’re slagging me off again. Well, I don’t like looking at your miserable face at 8am on a cold morning either, so shut up and get your fat arse to work”.

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