Sat. Jan 23rd, 2021


A large group of ‘lazy fuckers’ are said to be starving in the greater Newry area after the closure of local Chinese restaurant Ken’s local health officials have claimed.

The majority of those suffering ‘severe malnutrition’ are said to be lazy fuckers who couldn’t be arsed putting on the oven and throwing a few spuds on the boil it has emerged.

The World Health Organisation told Newry Spud:

“We are obviously very concerned about the on-going epidemic in the Newry district where locals are quite literally starving to death as they are too lazy or don’t know how to switch on their cookers.

We would call for local government intervention to perhaps open up a soup kitchen to wean these unfortunate lazy cunts back into solid foods while we teach them how to cook and look after themselves nutritionally.”

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