Holy Grail discovered on Newry Market


The Holy Chalice, said to have been the vessel which Jesus Christ used at the Last Supper to serve wine, has been discovered next to a selection of half price batteries and Philomena Begley CD’s on Newry Market, it’s been revealed.

Author Dan Brown, who has dedicated his career to researching the world’s most sought after artifact, said: “I’ve spent much of the last two decades believing that it was hidden in a dusty chest somewhere in Jerusalem, or in the vaults of St. Peter’s Basilica in the Vatican.

“But all along it was being flogged as a part of a dinner service on Newry Market next to some cheap batteries and shit CD’s.

“Unfortunately I’m going to have to completely rewrite The Da Vinci Code to include Robert Langdon stumbling across the holy cup while shopping for some fruit and veg in Newry. I’m not sure if this is going to work”.