Sun. Nov 29th, 2020


A geriatric Bessbrook pensioner has defied his doctor’s advice and has stupidly signed up for the Escape From Alcatraz Triathlon we can reveal.

Gerry ‘The General’ Patton has decided that even though he finds getting out of a chair an ordeal that he can deal with not just a grueling run and cycle but also the shark infested waters of the California coast.

We spoke with one Newry man who attempted the same race and failed miserably Johnny ‘Panzer’ Boyle who asked not to be identified and he told us:

“This is tantamount to suicide. As much as we all like Gerry we also don’t want to see him either at best having a stroke or at worse being ate alive by Jaws. We just hope he will see sense or his knees go again.”

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