Sat. Dec 5th, 2020

In a surprise move Friar Tuck’s the much loved fast food outlet in Newry has turned to using only Halal meat for their products to make new Crossmaglen resident Shamima Begum more welcome we can reveal.

They will no longer serve bacon due to the Islamic belief that pigs are ‘dirty’. In a move that is seen to reflect the rising Muslim community in Newry it has proven controversial.

One local fan of Friar Tucks Eamon Fatspatrick told Newry Spud:

“What to fuck is this shit? I want my burgers to be from Irish farms and killed humanely, you know, by stunning the cow with 12000 volts of electricity to the brain followed by a single shot to the head. Not this weird Islam thingy.”

A Friar Tuck’s spokesman told us:

“We want to appeal to the wider community and to welcome Ms Begum to the community so yes, from now on all our meat products will be from Halal sources. That includes our famous chicken. We will be importing our chicken burgers from Afghanistan and Iraq while our meat will be sourced from a man in north London who slaughters cows with a single cut to the throat. We are all about diversity.”

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