Sat. Jan 23rd, 2021


Camlough_Mountain_-_geograph.org.uk_-_1494058

The Friar Tuck’s restaurants in Newry will soon be relocated to the top of Camlough Mountain, which health experts claim will help reduce the problem the city has with obesity and general laziness.

At roughly 423 meters, the mountain was considered an ideal new home for the fast food outlet, as nutritionists estimate that the energy expelled during the trek will cancel out the average calorie intake from a Snack Box or Chicken Burger with half pound weight worth of coleslaw on it.


A Newry nutritionist told Newry Spud:

“Some families in Newry are disgustingly fat, and it’s getting worse. Kids can’t be arsed exercising and playing sports nowadays. They just eat shit and play the video games so from now on if you want a Friar Tuck’s you best get your walking boots on, fat hole”.

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