Thu. Dec 3rd, 2020


The local know-it-all that drinks in Ma Kearney’s who claims to know what is wrong with the world will indeed be able to solve the world’s problems, it can be revealed.

In response to the revelation, barman Fergal DealerBoots told Newry Spud :

“I seriously fucking doubt this claim. He’s in this pub, day in day out, so I’m not sure when he really gets down to ironing out the finer points of his world-fixing manifesto. He’s always slabbering to the staff about ‘The fucking Brits ’ or ‘The price of a head of cattle’ or whatever he’s read in the Examiner that particular day.”

Despite lacking basic qualifications or hands-on experience in international affairs, ‘That guy in Ma Kearney’s’ claims he is able to ‘sort the world out quick-sharp,’ without The UN or any other worldwide organisation.

He told Newry Spud:

“I’ve been telling feins for years that I know what I’m talking about, but they wouldn’t bloody listen. I’ve read all about it on the internet. I can do this. Yes, you’re right, I haven’t had any responsibility during the last few years apart from single-handedly keeping this pub afloat, but I knew it all along, I can sort this world and this bloody country right out.”

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