Wed. Dec 2nd, 2020

Fans of the singer Seal were left bitterly disappointed this morning after rumours circulated that he was seen on Newry Canal we can reveal.

Scores of housewives and a few sad bastards turned up to get a glimpse of the ‘Kiss From A Rose’ singer but it turned out to be only an old seal that had decided to perch itself on the canal bank.

One woman who travelled from Burren to see the singer told us:

“I saw on Facebook that Seal was in Newry so I jumped in the yoke and made for the city. To say I was disappointed was an understatement. All we saw was a big fucking fat oul Seal chilling out. Fuck.”

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