Facebook To Open Gym In Newry

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Newry is set to become the first city to open a gym it has been sensationally revealed today.

Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg said, “Newry people are on Facebook at the gym, their status updates are about being at the gym, so it makes perfect sense to have a Facebook gym. Then they can post their actual workout online – that’s if they are actually working out and not just messaging their mates.”

“I can’t wait to post videos of my workout online,” said Amy McCourt a frequent Facebook user. “My 85 ex boyfriends will be able to see how much weight I’ve lost, all the sexy gym boys I talk to and my hard, toned muscles. And they won’t be able to see me pissed, like full as a gypsy’s tit, dancing like a wanker in town that same night, so that’s great.”

Facebook’s announcement comes amid an unnerving increase in the number of Facebook users telling their friends they’re at the gym for no reason whatsoever. Professor Quinn, who teaches Sociology at the University of Ulster, has coined a new phrase for these users.

‘Cunts. That’s what we’re calling them. I mean, people who go the gym are usually twats, but those that update their status about it, they’re in another league. They’re cunts.”