Experts Visit Newry To Consult Girls On Mass Breeding Methods To Help Orangutan Numbers

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Conservation experts tasked with boosting the population of Orangutans have arrived in Newry today as a part of a study into mass breeding techniques.

“We’ve tried everything to get these females to breed”, explained Dr Willie Peng arriving Newry this afternoon.

“We’ve tried music, pornographic images, even rhino penis, but the female Orangutans just aren’t interested”.

“We were astonished to learn the reproduction rates in Newry after looking on Google. Roughly seven Orangutans are born annually. In Newry’s ghettos such as Derrybeg, Barcroft and Parkhead that’s the hourly rate. We want to unlock their secrets”.




The team have said that they have already gained valuable information during their few hours in the estates. Dr Peng told Newry Spud:

“It appears that many Newry males can ‘woo’ potential females in a very simplistic way, and we’ll be taking this useful information home with us.

“I just hope female Orangutans like clapped out Corsas and bottles of Buckfast”.
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