Wed. Dec 2nd, 2020

Excitement has reached fever pitch in Culloville today after a phone box was installed outside Casey’s filling station we can reveal.

Residents of the village, who had previously used carrier pigeons and messengers on horseback after giving up on acquiring a mobile phone signal back in 1998, are said to be thrilled to finally have communication with the outside world.

Sinn Féin representative Terry Hearty told Newry Spud:

“There’s a real buzz in the air. I’ve been queuing since 6am to have a go, it’s very exciting. I haven’t really got anyone I need to speak to, so I’m just going to call the operator and ask them a really silly question before running away”.

Barra Ó Muirí who arranged the new addition to the village, announced to the growing crowds:

“Instantaneous communication is now a possibility for everyone! Providing you have enough 20p pieces”.

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