Dressing Up For St Patrick’s Day ‘Only For Kids’ Creepy Fat Newry Man Warned

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Dressing up in traditional Irish attire on St Patrick’s Day should be for school children only; a fat man from Newry has been warned.

John Sloan, 42, has now been ejected from every pub in Newry, and has been warned that if he wears creepy tight pants with nothing underneath again he’ll be arrested.

Speaking outside Newry PSNI Police Station this afternoon, the unemployed builder said: “I want to celebrate St Paddy’s Day too, and this is the traditional Irish dress code. I’m Irish, therefore I shall celebrate being Irish”.

When asked if he not wearing any underwear was also a part of the tradition of dressing proper Irish, he said: “Not sure, if it is then it’s just a happy coincidence.”

Newry Police issued a statement shortly afterward: “We appreciate he wants to join in with the celebrations, but males are supposed to wear a checked flat cap and a waistcoat, not tight spandex pants with no underwear on. He’s got it all mixed up, the creepy bastard”.