Dogs To Chase Fat Newry Kids To School To Fight Obesity

Newry, Mourne & Down District Council have come up with a novel yet controversial plan to beat childhood obesity they have said today.

A Council spokesman told Newry Spud:

“We have initially passed the motion that all children between 6 and 11 who have an obese body mass will be chased to school by savage dogs. We will give the fat kids a half pound of minced beef to carry with them to distract the dogs and a five minute head start but after that, they are on their own.”

The move comes after people complaining that the pavements around schools were crumbling under the weight of the children who are at times 3 stone over the average weight for a child.

The Council spokesman continued:

“Our research shows a direct link between attendance at school and rising child obesity. Before they all started full time education Newry children were all so nice and thin they could fit up chimneys and crawl under fast moving and dangerous machinery in the local linen mills. Now look at them. Fat fuckers.”