Fri. Nov 27th, 2020

HONG KONG - SEPTEMBER 07: Occupy Central supporters attend a training camp which equips them with experience facing water cannons and police crackdown at Tai Lam Chung on September 7, 2014 in Hong Kong. The National People's Congress Standing Committee have endorsed a framework for political reform in Hong Kong ahead of the 2017 Chief Executive election, in which 3 candidates will be selected by a special committee, ruling out open nominations. Opposition to the plans, including pro-democracy group Occupy Central, argue that the system will not meet international standards and deprives people of a genuine choice of candidates. (Photo by Lam Yik Fei/Getty Images)

Newry, Mourne & Down District Council have said they will forcibly remove all residents of Derrybeg, Parkhead and Derrybeg tomorrow morning from 6am and wash them with a power hose we can reveal.

With fears of increasing numbers of 17th century diseases in the Newry slums, the Council have been left with no other option but to power hose the residents and delouse them.

A Council spokesman told Newry Spud:

“It has come to a head now. We must remove all residents and give them all a deep clean and delousing. The diseases discovered in the area have not been seen since the early 17th century in Ireland. We may have to roll out this cleaning to be a bi-monthly occurrence.”

We spoke with a Derrybeg resident who told us:

“Its great news. Sure, how could we complain about getting a free shower and a delousing? It claah baah.”

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