Newry, Mourne & Down District Council have said they will forcibly remove all residents of Derrybeg, Parkhead and Derrybeg tomorrow morning from 6am and wash them with a power hose we can reveal.
With fears of increasing numbers of 17th century diseases in the Newry slums, the Council have been left with no other option but to power hose the residents and delouse them.
A Council spokesman told Newry Spud:
“It has come to a head now. We must remove all residents and give them all a deep clean and delousing. The diseases discovered in the area have not been seen since the early 17th century in Ireland. We may have to roll out this cleaning to be a bi-monthly occurrence.”
We spoke with a Derrybeg resident who told us:
“Its great news. Sure, how could we complain about getting a free shower and a delousing? It claah baah.”