Sat. Nov 28th, 2020

In what is thought to be the first ever case of its kind in Ireland, a man from Crossmaglen has pleaded ‘not guilty’ to a dangerous driving charge, with the main reason being that he was distracted by a ‘female pedestrian with large diddies.’

Cathal Murphy was arrested and charged after crashing his Ford Focus into his next door neighbour’s home on 11th of January completely destroying the house but fortunately the occupants were out at the time. The case was heard today at Newry Crown Court.

Mr Murphy passed the immediate breath test and had no drugs in his system either. He was simply found in a state of shock telling the PSNI officers on the scene:

“Jaysus,the diddies on hon one.”

A photo of the girl in question was shown to the court, and an expert psychology witness stepped up to give evidence. Dr Thomas Feelem, a professor from the University of Ulster, said that on average 97% of the heterosexual male population would be distracted for 3-5 seconds by the combination of the ‘sizeable breasts, tight belly top and natural-shade blonde hair.’

The judge dismissed the case and agreed the lady in question did indeed have a fine set if diddies.

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