Sat. Jan 23rd, 2021


The recent meeting of Newry, Mourne & Down Council was evacuated this week after one of its Councillor’s let off an ‘Egg & Onion’ fart it has emerged.

A Council spokesman confirmed that the office had been fully evacuated after workers were left struggling to breathe. The PSNI have arrested a 49 year old man for disruption of the peace.

A Council spokesman told Newry Spud:

“At about 8:30pm this afternoon, following complaints by workers that they were struggling to breathe, we initiated our evacuation policy all members of staff were safely evacuated.”

One worker said:

“It was horrific. I’d only just come in to the building and it hit me in the face like Satan’s breath. A green fog descended on the office. I couldn’t breathe and raised the alarm quickly.”

49 year-old Sinn Fein Councillor and acting Chairperson Willie Clarke, who was later arrested was quickly identified as the culprit. He told Newry Spud:

“I’d been having dodgy guts all day like. Bit of a twitch here and bit of a twitch here. I’d been in a rush at lunchtime and picked up a few Egg & Onion sandwiches from Spar next door. But after I’d had a hot chocolate from the vending machine, it seemed to trigger a chain reaction in my guts. Next thing I know, I lay back in my chair, opened my legs and floated off an air biscuit. As soon as it left my arsehole, I knew I was in trouble. It practically strangled me.”

Witnesses describe hearing a low rumbling sound, like that of a passing lorry. Staff resumed work after the offices had been fumigated.

Mr Clarke still remains in PSNI Custody after the incident.

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