Sat. Nov 28th, 2020

The World Health Organisation has just announced that the much feared Coronavirus has been cured miraculously overnight after local Independent Councillor Gavin Malone turned up at its house with a box of Milk Tray we can reveal.

The much loved Councillor who unashamedly buys votes for chocolate went to the as yet unknown address of the Coronavirus and asked it to stop fucking everyone’s life up with a box of Milk Tray.

We spoke with Mr and Mrs Coronavirus who told us:

“We don’t usually listen to prayers and science and shit but this lad came to our door with a lovely £3.99 box of Milk Tray and that was it, he won us over.

We heard the prayers of Sinn Féin and SDLP but fuck them; they don’t come knocking with a box of chocolates. Well played Councillor Malone.”

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