The PSNI were called to Warrenpoint today when it emerged that a nudist sun bather refused to wear a face mask we can reveal.

The incident caused much humour to the locals of Warrenpoint where not much happens of much note. The last time there was this much hustle and bustle around the Point is when a flock of pigeons flew through it in 1987.


The nude sun bather Dick Long told us:

“The PSNI are really being dicks at the moment. I was just lying there taking in the sun with my 5 inch out loud and proud as it needs vital vitamin D too.

Anyway the police came and gave off to me for not wearing a face mask. They failed to mention the fact that I standing in from of them with my dick wobbling in the breeze.”