Thu. Feb 25th, 2021
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There was widespread confusion this morning in Newry when Somalian Pirates were seen coming down the Canal in a small boat it has been revealed.

The four men who found themselves ‘lost and confused’ spoke with Newry Spud:

“We came to European waters to hijack rich vessels sailing to and from China to European Union countries. As we were stalking a boat making its way to Ireland we got caught up in a severe storm and now we find ourselves in this strange and barren place called Newry.

We have come face to face with some of the meanest and dangerous pirates on the planet but we are fucking petrified to find ourselves in Newry, please help us.”

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