Sat. Jan 16th, 2021


In a world first two business enterprises have entered into a martial contract and it is in Newry we can reveal.

Bellini’s and Cobbles have married each other in a private ceremony in Newry Town Hall today in what guests described as a ‘heartfelt and emotional’ union.

The two ‘giants’ of the Newry nightclub life or subculture as it’s known outside of Newry have decided to join forces and merge as one massive club called Cobble-Innies.

In a joint statement they said:

“We have been seeing each other on and off in a sexually charged affair for many years so when the chance came to marry we jumped at it. Cobbles will be the ‘man’ in the relationship and basically shaft Bellini’s from behind at every turn as per usual. We hope to spawn many little Cobble-Innies in the future and would ask the people of Newry to respect our privacy at this time.”

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